Okay, so I guess there WILL be another update of All About Us. Hope you guys don’t die before the fic ends.
Also, today’s chapter is called “Irken Landia” which means you guessed it “Give her ALL the Mary-Sue points!”
AN: WOOO! I’ve Been waiting forever to write this chapter.
And oh look, you did.
and thegeniusnextdoor if you don’t like it than screw off!
thegeniusnextdoor was the only person to review this negatively, saying that her grammar sucks (which it sort of does) and “Landia” is Mary-Sue (which she is).
noone’s making you read it!
No, no one is. But that doesn’t stop him from giving you criticism.
You probably can’t write anything good at all anyways!
Actually, when people criticize you like that, it probably means that they are very experienced and mature writers who have most likely written fanfics similar to yours when they were pre-teens. I know it’s happened to me. Don’t be embarrassed.
At least I’m creative, unique and brave enough to think up something to put on here!
And so are a lot of other people.
All my awesome reviewers get a free Zim or Dib for reveiwing!
Yeah, can I have the Zim to go please?
I had Landia tied up in my lab and was writing a note to Dib about it.
I have youre girlfriend and if you don’t give yourself up I am going to kill her. But even if you do gice yourself up I’m going to keep her anyway. She’ll be my trophy. My pretty little trophy. See you when you get here.
Okay, author. “Your” spelling is horrendous. “You’re” writing a story. A narrative if you will. “Give” yourself some time to edit as much as you use some time to write. Also, you spelled give right the first time. What happened to the second?
Zim. I put down the paper and smiled. I’d have Gir give it to him in a few days. There was no need to hurry.
Okay, why is Zim’s signature and narrative both in the same paragraph. It’s still part of the letter you know.
“Now what to do with you until then,” I asked walking over to Landia. She scream as good as she could since I had tied a cloth over her mouth to make sure she wouldn’t use Gir as a way to escape.
I “screamed” as “good as I could” because the author doesn’t know anything about past and present tense…or commas.
I touched her midsection and she moved away from me. I pulled her up onto my lap (Zim’s 6foot 5inches tall in this fic, Dib’s 6foot 7inches and Landia is 5foot 6inches.) and wrapped my arms around her waits.
What’s that? A tall Zim wrapping his arms around a Mary-Sue’s “waist”? You know what that means!
“She’s so beautiful. Her fetures are so delicate and gorgeous. Her face is perfectly symetricall.
Damn, she must be so pretty since she has beautiful “symmetrical features”.
I’m not sure I’d be able to hold myself back if she were an Irken.”
Woah, Zim. How about we don’t go there.
Then a thought hatched in my head. What if I turned her into an Irken and made her a defective like me? Since only defectives could actually mate she’d be all mine I’d could have as many smeets as I wanted with her.
Okay, a couple of questions for you, Zim AND the author.
1.) How are you going to do that?
2.) Did you know that Irkens don’t have genitals so if she was a defect or a normal Irken, she’d never have kids with you anyway?
3.) Did the person writing you do their research? Because it doesn’t look like they did. All Irkens are cloned and then given a PAK that contains (or will contain) all their knowledge and personality. Did they even watch “Parent Teacher Night”?
I tied her up in a cage and got to workmaking something that would turn her Irken. I got so into it I had lost all track of time and forgot to send Dib the note. So I had Gir go take it to him and finished the Irken changing thing. I gave it to her and watched as she quickly turned into an Irken.
This is the most boring transformation scene I’ve ever read.
She still had her hair and curvy body and saphire blue eyes though. She was the most beautiful Irken I had ever seen and all I wanted to do was cuddle with her.
And all I want to do right is bang myself against a door because Irkens don’t have “sapphire” blue eyes. But even if they did, it would a rare color so MOAR SUE POINTS FOR YOU, LANDIA!
But I heard a bang up at the door and frowned.
I’d be frowning, too. There’s an interesting bang up at the door and were too busy reading about you raping Landia to get details.
“I’ll be back soon my sweet, little love,” I said giving Landia a quick but passionate kiss.
Yeah um, how is Landia reacting to this? Is she just emotionless or knocked out through the whole thing? AUTHOR. Y U NO TELL US?!
I went upstairs to find Dib standing in the doorway being all mad.
No, he was being all happy. How do you think he’s going to be?
“Where is Landia!” he shouted pushing me backwards.
“No need to be pushy Dib. Landia’s fine and she’s all mine.” I said flushing myself down the toilet before Dib could catch me. I went back down in the lab and tied her wrists to the top bars of the cage. I kissed her again and waited for Dib to get down the shoot. When he did there was a long bloody battle that I won and I tossed Dib in a cage.
That was the shortest “long bloody battle” I’ve ever read.
I’d kill him later. But first I was going to go to the skool dance with the new Irken Landia. Then I’d show her off to the Tallest. They’d be so jealous.
Um, no they wouldn’t.
I walked over to Landia and opened the door to her cage. She backed away from my and I decided to make a love potion so she’d love me. When it was done I made her drink it and she instantly fell in love with me.
This fic is very boring and to the point. Please learn to show more instead of tell more.
I untied her and she laid her head on my shoulder and we sat there in the cage and cuddled for a while.
This is the most OOC thing Zim has ever done in this fic.
Isn’t that so cute!
No, it was HORRIBLE and OUT OF CHARACTER.
Please reveiw and you’ll get a free Zim or Dib!
If I do “review”, I’d better get that Zim. TO GO.